Stop The Wedding

            The small crowd of guests were seated on folding chairs in the grassy area between the two apartment buildings and all eyes and ears were focused on the wedding party.  Evelyn wore her favorite summer dress topped off by an airy spring hat she bought especially for the occasion.  She smiled dreamily as the preacher recited the vows.  Hubert had the traditional “nervous groom” look about him but stood tall and proud in his freshly cleaned blue suit.  Zach stood off to his side in a white shirt and tie with no coat and occasionally tugged at his constricting collar like a man standing on the gallows.  Aunt Louise rocked slightly to and fro next to Evelyn with her face contorted by a huge, cockeyed smile.  Mildred stood in the back, out of sight of the audience, and glowered.

            “If there is anyone here who knows why these two people should not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

            Mildred’s thought frantically for something to blurt out.  Just then, half a dozen men in black suits and dark glasses seemed to appear out of nowhere.

            “Everyone stay calm and remain exactly where you are!”

            The voice came from a member of the audience that both Evelyn and Hubert had thought was a friend of the other’s family.  As the man walked toward the front he opened his wallet and displayed a badge.

            “I’m special agent Guthrie and we are with the F.B.I.  Hubert ______, I have a warrant for your arrest.”

            Hubert’s face muscles tightened as the F.B.I. agent snapped on the handcuffs.  He turned toward Evelyn, looked directly into her watering eyes and said, “Evie, I do love you.”

            Aunt Louise, quickly recovering from her shock, poked a finger into the chest of another agent who was standing nearby.

            “What in tarnation is this all about young man?”

            The agent towered over Louise but grimaced slightly at her onslaught.

            “Sorry to spoil the wedding, m’am, but this man is a professional assassin we’ve been tracking for months.  There’s a dead General in the Caribbean we need to ask him about.”

            Evelyn’s eyes rolled back into her head as she fainted.




            When Evelyn came to her mother was kneeling beside her and holding one hand while Aunt Louie held the other.

            “Oh my poor sweet Evie”, Mildred said.  “I knew he was no good from the start, but who could have known this?”

            Evelyn sighed.  “You were right, mother, but for the wrong reasons.”

            “That’s true”, Mildred said.  “I didn’t even think he had a job.”